October 1, 2014

Tuesday Strikes Again

Tuesdays, man...they really do hate me.

Yesterday morning I woke up knowing it was going to be a bad day. I could just feel it, you know? Every time Tuesday rolls around, I brace myself for the shit storm that is about to happen. It doesn't help that I was up past midnight on Monday, laughing by myself about every time I've seen someone fall, ever. I mean, hardcore, almost peed my pants, laughing. By myself, just thinking about my friends falling.

I was delirious.

I woke up and Nico was crying at my bedroom door (yes, I'm a terrible mother and lock my cats out of my room at night), which is not unlike him in the least. So, I opened the door, picked him up, held him like the baby he is, and said good morning. I went to put him down and he rested his paw on my face with a little too much force and scratched my upper lip the tiniest bit. It was not intentional, I know that. He has six toes on one front paw, and seven on the other. I mean, the guy has mittens, for fucks sake. But what I didn't know is that a tiny cut on your lip could bleed heavily for upwards of 45 minutes.

It's like when you cut your leg while shaving and it never stops bleeding, except this cut was on my face.

But that's not the best part...

I had a weekly department meeting first thing when I got to work, and my lip decided to start bleeding roughly 5 minutes before it started. When I went to grab a tissue from my desk, I saw the empty box and was quickly reminded that I was fresh out.

I stopped in the bathroom on the way to meeting, grabbed some toilet paper, and went on my way. Not even 30 seconds into the meeting I realized blood + toilet paper looks, well, disgusting.

But that's not the best part!

After the meeting I was given the task of finding a banner for an upcoming press conference. It seemed easy enough, except I had never seen the banner before and was only going off of what people could describe from their memory. So, a "bulky, mostly white, but with our logo" banner was what I was after.

I work in a big building. There are main three floors, plus a basement. My office takes up the second and third floors, along with a storage room in the basement. I started off there since it seemed like the logical place for the banner to be. Wrong. So I climbed 6 flights of stairs (there is an elevator, but I refuse to take it), headed back to my department and started asking around.

I asked one person who told me to ask another person who told me to ask another person who told me to ask yet another person, so on and so forth. I decided to do some digging on the computer and found a picture of the banner from the press conference last year. I printed it out and started walking up to people saying: HAVE YOU SEEN THIS BANNER? Like it was missing child or something. Mind you, some of these people have only met me one other time, on my first day of work.

Nope. Not the best part.

At this point, there was a possibility that the banner had been thrown out, but I went to check the basement again, just in case.

Much to my surprise, I found it. Now, if you know me well enough, you know that I lose things (i.e.: my wallet) all of the time. But I didn't misplace the banner in the first place, which is why I was so surprised to have found it in the first place I looked. I have a theory about that, but I'm not going to say what it is.

But, that's not the best part.

I've been breaking in a new pair of flats, and if you've ever done this before, you know how difficult and painful it can be. So far, it hasn't been too bad. But once I got back to my desk after the half marathon I ran around the building, I had blisters all over the place.

But that's not the best part!

I got home from work around 10pm.

But THAT'S not the best part.

I stepped in cat puke as soon as I walked in the door.


I went to my bedroom, changed into sweats (which feel even better when you're putting them on at 10pm instead of my usual 6pm), went back out into the living room to clean up the cat puke, washed my hands, opened the fridge to get a drink, and found leftover birthday cake on the top shelf.

And that's the best part.

Let's ignore the part when my lip started bleeding two bites into the cake.

Ciao, Tuesday.

September 30, 2014

Q & Hayyy Tuesdays

This is a thing now! Maybe! Probably not!

It is for this week, so enjoy, fools.

September 25, 2014

5 or so things...

1. Remember when I said I'm not allowed to bring a couch home from Ikea? Well, I'm still not. Instead, I'm looking to have this baby reupholstered. It belonged to my great-grandparents, and has been in the basement ever since I moved into my house. LISTEN, I know she's not the prettiest girl at the dance, but cue the music, because this is about to turn into a makeover montage that rivals Tye's in Clueless.

2a. I think all of you should come visit me. I'll take you to my favorite place to eat in Saratoga, and then we can go to this really fancy movie theater down the street. They serve gelato. And beer. But I get a soda because I'm typically hungover. Next time! *Mike Birbiglia voice*

2b. But, if you can't come visit, or you don't want to (no judgement) (maybe a little), then at least go see This is Where I Leave You on your own time. Two hours worth of a bearded Jason Bateman, and you'll need a napkin to clean up your seat. Uh, what?

3. Tiff sent me this link the other night, and I jumped up and down in my seat and yelled, "YASS!" the entire time I read it. Kelsey sent me this link and I had to stop the video every 15 seconds to catch my breath and text her a quote from it. At one point, I stopped it entirely and ran to the bathroom to pee. I didn't think I was going to make it.

4. I painted my nails gold last weekend, and I've felt so fucking sassy ever since.

5. What is your go to soup recipe? I need some new ones. Please and thank you.

September 24, 2014

Lessons Learned, v. 1

// Old men can make you laugh, but it's nice when a guy your own age asks for your number.
// Saturday nights spent with friends and finger guns are Saturday nights spent well.

// Leather jackets for the fucking win.
// You're never too old for a swag pic. Or are you?

// It's okay to leave the house on a Sunday. Especially if you leave to have lunch and see a movie with friends.
// Early birthday presents make hangovers feel better.

// A quiet 15 in your car on your lunch break is allowed.
// If you part your bangs the same way for 10 years, they revolt when you try to part them a different way.

// Saying goodbye is never easy.

September 19, 2014

My Week in Lauren Conrad Gifs

Sunday: Me to Aaron Rodgers.

Monday Morning: Me to all of my co-workers, because they always catch me while I'm eating PopTarts.

Tuesday: I know I love Snickers. I know I do. But my period made me buy that bag of 'em.

Wednesday: When Kelsey and I impulse purchased Mike Birbiglia tickets.

Thursday: When the Snickers were gone...

Friday: That person is pizza, and I spend every Friday night with it.

September 18, 2014

Uhh, lemme talk.

I turn 28 next week. That sounds crazy. 28? Me? I looked (and felt) about 12 years old this morning when I bought a package of PopTarts (I can't help it) on my way to work. How do people do it, you know? Grow up? I mean, I've heard it's just a myth, and that everyone is pretending to know what they are doing, but some people really seem to have it together. And I'm not one of them.

On average, I have about 6 glasses of water on my nightstand at any given moment. I bring one in with me almost every night before I go to bed, and I rarely remember to bring it back out the next morning, until I start to run out of glasses. Or room on my nightstand.

My hair is always a mess. I'm one of those girls who has their hair pulled back every single day. My motto before leaving the house is always: good enough. I've said on more than one occasion, "I know it doesn't look like it, but I did wash my hair today!" Don't get me wrong - I'm not a grease ball, I shower! I take care of myself! However, I would rather sleep an extra 10 minutes than spend that time fixing my hair in the morning.

I misplace everything. I could be holding something in my hand, and two seconds later, not have a clue where it went. Kelsey's entire family has had a good laugh at my expense when I left my wallet on their front porch one night. I didn't realize it was gone until the next morning, when I was scrambling to get to work on time. I used to write out grocery lists and lose them before I got to the store (now I use my phone). Whenever I'm looking for a certain scarf to wear, it's MIA, but seems to always show up whenever I'm not looking for it. Either I have a House Elf fucking with me, or despite my best efforts to have my shit together - I don't.

I still think I'm too young to get married and/or have kids. I know -90% of you will not agree with me on this, but I have a firm belief that marriage should be illegal until you're 30. Okay, that's dramatic. Maybe 25. I see people get married in their early 20s and I think, "That's like a 12 year old trying to drive a car; it might be fine, but it could be deadly." I have a lot more to say on that subject, but stop I'll for now.

I'm incredibly impulsive. Almost to the point of being destructive. Drive to New Hampshire on a whim (to meet a strange who could very well kill me)? Sure. Start off with tickets to see two Avett Brothers concerts, and end up planning to see five shows in a week instead? Yes, please. Turn a trip to Ikea into an overnight stay, with tickets to see Mike Birbiglia? Uh, yeah, that happened yesterday. I've lived a pretty normal life - one that wasn't built around spontaneity. But I've sure as shit changed that about myself recently. And I love it. My bank account does not feel the same way.

I know that these aren't big things. I know that I have the important things down: I have a college degree and alas, I'm using it! I enjoy my job. I  have constructive hobbies - limited interests, but constructive hobbies, nonetheless. And most importantly, I'm happy (happiest when I'm home in sweats, with pizza, and a good movie).

But despite the hair issue, and the impulse problem, I feel 28. I may not look it, sporting a jean jacket while I'm on my way to buy my breakfast that I won't get around to eating until 10am, but I feel it. I've been through a lot, I've survived all of it, and I'm better because of it. I've learned to let go, to find peace with things that are not in my control. I've learned to keep my mouth shut, and instead of giving advice about something, allowing people experience things for themselves. Their battle is not my battle, and vise versa.

But now, if you'll excuse me, I have PopTarts to eat.

September 17, 2014

5ish Things.

1a. There are very few things in life I take seriously - TV being high on that short list. No, that's not a joke. So, when shows like The Newsroom are canceled after only 3 seasons, while Big Brother and The Bachelor are on their what? 17th? 25th? season, I can't help but get really, really pissed off. I get it - it's about the number of viewers, and how much advertising money the show can make for the network. It doesn't mean that I can't be mad that a show that people should be watching gets canned, while shows that are complete garbage will continue to be aired for the foreseeable future.

1b. My name is Alissa and I am a recovering reality TV addict.

2a. In a couple of weeks, Kelsey and I will be heading to Ikea. This is a big deal because I've never been to an Ikea before, and I have a feeling it will be a spiritual awakening for me. The problem? The closest one to us is in New Jersey. Don't worry, there will be a travel vlog. I know you were worried.

2b. Under no circumstances am I allowed to come home with a couch. You hear me, Internet?

3. The other day I bought a box of tampons and a bag of fun sized Snickers at Rite Aid. I think everyone in the store knew I had my period.

4. There's a certain blogger whose love story I read over and over and over again. I'm not going to publicly say whose it is, but if you really want to know, maybe I'll tell you in an email.

5. Last week, while I was in New York, I saw a girl with the best bangs. I thought, "A few snips and I could have my bangs back!" I've been growing them out for about 8 months now, and they are finally, finally able to be tucked behind my ears (my hair grows at an alarmingly slow rate). I won't cut them, but damn if I didn't consider it.