September 19, 2014

My Week in Lauren Conrad Gifs

Sunday: Me to Aaron Rodgers.

Monday Morning: Me to all of my co-workers, because they always catch me while I'm eating PopTarts.

Tuesday: I know I love Snickers. I know I do. But my period made me buy that bag of 'em.

Wednesday: When Kelsey and I impulse purchased Mike Birbiglia tickets.

Thursday: When the Snickers were gone...

Friday: That person is pizza, and I spend every Friday night with it.

September 18, 2014

Uhh, lemme talk.

I turn 28 next week. That sounds crazy. 28? Me? I looked (and felt) about 12 years old this morning when I bought a package of PopTarts (I can't help it) on my way to work. How do people do it, you know? Grow up? I mean, I've heard it's just a myth, and that everyone is pretending to know what they are doing, but some people really seem to have it together. And I'm not one of them.

On average, I have about 6 glasses of water on my nightstand at any given moment. I bring one in with me almost every night before I go to bed, and I rarely remember to bring it back out the next morning, until I start to run out of glasses. Or room on my nightstand.

My hair is always a mess. I'm one of those girls who has their hair pulled back every single day. My motto before leaving the house is always: good enough. I've said on more than one occasion, "I know it doesn't look like it, but I did wash my hair today!" Don't get me wrong - I'm not a grease ball, I shower! I take care of myself! However, I would rather sleep an extra 10 minutes than spend that time fixing my hair in the morning.

I misplace everything. I could be holding something in my hand, and two seconds later, not have a clue where it went. Kelsey's entire family has had a good laugh at my expense when I left my wallet on their front porch one night. I didn't realize it was gone until the next morning, when I was scrambling to get to work on time. I used to write out grocery lists and lose them before I got to the store (now I use my phone). Whenever I'm looking for a certain scarf to wear, it's MIA, but seems to always show up whenever I'm not looking for it. Either I have a House Elf fucking with me, or despite my best efforts to have my shit together - I don't.

I still think I'm too young to get married and/or have kids. I know -90% of you will not agree with me on this, but I have a firm belief that marriage should be illegal until you're 30. Okay, that's dramatic. Maybe 25. I see people get married in their early 20s and I think, "That's like a 12 year old trying to drive a car; it might be fine, but it could be deadly." I have a lot more to say on that subject, but stop I'll for now.

I'm incredibly impulsive. Almost to the point of being destructive. Drive to New Hampshire on a whim (to meet a strange who could very well kill me)? Sure. Start off with tickets to see two Avett Brothers concerts, and end up planning to see five shows in a week instead? Yes, please. Turn a trip to Ikea into an overnight stay, with tickets to see Mike Birbiglia? Uh, yeah, that happened yesterday. I've lived a pretty normal life - one that wasn't built around spontaneity. But I've sure as shit changed that about myself recently. And I love it. My bank account does not feel the same way.

I know that these aren't big things. I know that I have the important things down: I have a college degree and alas, I'm using it! I enjoy my job. I  have constructive hobbies - limited interests, but constructive hobbies, nonetheless. And most importantly, I'm happy (happiest when I'm home in sweats, with pizza, and a good movie).

But despite the hair issue, and the impulse problem, I feel 28. I may not look it, sporting a jean jacket while I'm on my way to buy my breakfast that I won't get around to eating until 10am, but I feel it. I've been through a lot, I've survived all of it, and I'm better because of it. I've learned to let go, to find peace with things that are not in my control. I've learned to keep my mouth shut, and instead of giving advice about something, allowing people experience things for themselves. Their battle is not my battle, and vise versa.

But now, if you'll excuse me, I have PopTarts to eat.

September 17, 2014

5ish Things.

1a. There are very few things in life I take seriously - TV being high on that short list. No, that's not a joke. So, when shows like The Newsroom are canceled after only 3 seasons, while Big Brother and The Bachelor are on their what? 17th? 25th? season, I can't help but get really, really pissed off. I get it - it's about the number of viewers, and how much advertising money the show can make for the network. It doesn't mean that I can't be mad that a show that people should be watching gets canned, while shows that are complete garbage will continue to be aired for the foreseeable future.

1b. My name is Alissa and I am a recovering reality TV addict.

2a. In a couple of weeks, Kelsey and I will be heading to Ikea. This is a big deal because I've never been to an Ikea before, and I have a feeling it will be a spiritual awakening for me. The problem? The closest one to us is in New Jersey. Don't worry, there will be a travel vlog. I know you were worried.

2b. Under no circumstances am I allowed to come home with a couch. You hear me, Internet?

3. The other day I bought a box of tampons and a bag of fun sized Snickers at Rite Aid. I think everyone in the store knew I had my period.

4. There's a certain blogger whose love story I read over and over and over again. I'm not going to publicly say whose it is, but if you really want to know, maybe I'll tell you in an email.

5. Last week, while I was in New York, I saw a girl with the best bangs. I thought, "A few snips and I could have my bangs back!" I've been growing them out for about 8 months now, and they are finally, finally able to be tucked behind my ears (my hair grows at an alarmingly slow rate). I won't cut them, but damn if I didn't consider it.

September 16, 2014

Vlog Tuesday.

I'm not saying this is going to be a weekly thing, but I'm not saying it isn't.

We all know how good I am with follow through.

PS: Kelsey's blog is back. Go read it before she deletes it again.

PPS: 10 points to the first person who correctly identifies what I'm wearing around my neck.


September 15, 2014

Alissa Lately.



{written on Sunday, as always}

reading // The second Harry Potter. I read all of the books while I was in high school/college when they first came out, but I've never gone back to reread them.

writing // In a new journal.

listening // I've had Langhorne Slim & The Law's The Way We Move album on repeat for more or less 3 weeks now. Do yourself a favor and listen to it. Start with this song.

thinking // How there's always something that goes wrong, you know? As I type this, my car is quite literally trapped in my garage, because the spring broke on my garage door and it won't go up. My car is stuck inside until someone comes to fix it -- hopefully today.

smelling // The soup I just made. Football Sundays are back (preacher hands emoji).

wishing // I could go apple picking. I have to wait a couple more weeks before the trees will be ready. I haven't properly gone apple picking in a few years, and that's just criminal.

hoping // For nice weather this weekend. I have exciting plans for Saturday night, and it cannot be raining.

wearing // Black jeggings (4 lyfe) and a black t-shirt. Basically my uniform.

loving // That it's officially tall boot weather.

wanting // A leather jacket. HEY. WHITNEY. Let me borrow yours? Thanks.

needing // A haircut. And some highlights. Next week, thank you baby Jesus.

feeling // Strangely optimistic. About what, I don't even know.

clicking // Through Pinterest. I've been neglecting it lately.

September 10, 2014

5ish things.

1. Yeah, I'm buying PopTarts from the vending machine at work from time to time. What of it?

2. I've been working on a secret project in the past week or so. Actually, to be honest, I've been working on it for about 2 years, but now I'm actually doing something about it. I'll announce it here once it's ready. Try not to lose sleep over it until then.

3. I still have two Avettcation videos left to edit, and I'll admit that I pumped the breaks on them because I don't want it to be over with. Like, I know it's over with, but the videos make it official.

4a. I cannot stop watching Mike Birbiglia's stand up special My Girlfriend's Boyfriend. It's officially become a problem, because if I'm not watching it, I'm quoting it, if I'm not quoting it, I'm thinking about it during meetings and trying not to laugh. Please, do yourself a favor and watch it. It's on Netflix.

4b. His rants on marriage are everything.

5. Remember when I said these posts were going to be on Tuesdays?  Listen, I'll be back to regularly scheduled programming next week, I promise. Maybe. We'll see. No, really.

September 3, 2014

The Best Part

Michelle and I used to joke about the curse of Terrible Tuesdays. It started when we were both at our old jobs (my old, old job) and things just seemed to always hit the fan on Tuesdays. Most people dread Mondays, but for some reason Tuesdays have the tendency to do me dirty.

My Tuesday dread started around 3 in the morning. I woke up to the sound of Nico, my cat, playing soccer outside of my bedroom door. It was his birthday on Monday, and my mother (who needs more actual grandchildren) (but who shouldn't be looking at me for them) gave him a plastic ball with what I can only assume are smaller plastic balls inside. He thought it would be *super fun* to ricochet that ball off my bedroom door. Repeatedly. I tried to ignore it, but I got eventually out of bed to take it away from him.

But that's not the best part...

About 5 minutes later, I heard the same noise and subsequent smash against my bedroom door. The fuck, Nico. My mother only gave him one ball (uhhh, the jokes) for his birthday, so I have no idea where he got the second one from. Nonetheless, I got out of bed, retrieved the second ball, and tried to fall back asleep.

But that's not the best part...

I had my alarm set for the wrong time, so I woke up late.

But that's not the best part...

Lately it's been about 75 degrees, with roughly 97% humidity. Yesterday morning was no exception, and by the time I showered and did my hair, I needed another shower.

But that's not the best part...

I remembered that starting yesterday my office switched from "summer business casual" to "business attire." Since I've only been there for 3 weeks, all of which have been during the summer, I had no idea what that even meant. So getting dressed was even harder than it is on a normal day. And trust me, it is hard enough (ha ha) to begin with.

But that's not the best part...

I forgot my lunch at home.

But that's not the best part...

I had to purchase a new spin package (so many male genitalia jokes in this post!) and when I tried to do it on the website, it wouldn't work. So, I sent a message to the owner, and she said she would fix it, but she never did.

But that's not the best part...

I went to spin anyway, only to find out that one of my favorite male instructors subbed for the previous class - a class I would've gone to, had I known he was subbing.

But that's not the best part...

The class I signed up for also had a sub, and she was ehhh...not great.

BUT THAT'S NOT THE BEST PART...

I came home to heat up what was supposed to be my lunch, to have for dinner, and I dropped the plate while taking it out of the microwave because it was so god damn hot.

But. That's. Not. The. Best. Part.

I HAD NO SHOWS TO WATCH.

But that's not the best part!

Finally, I gave up on the idea of Tuesday, and crawled into bed with my Harry Potter book, lit a fall scented candle, reminded myself 1,000 times that it really is September (despite the heat), and that I don't have to endure another Tuesday for another 7 days.

...and that's the best part.