August 31, 2015

e. e. cummings

A lot of people think or believe or know they feel--
but that's thinking or believing or knowing; not feeling.
And poetry is feeling--not knowing or believing or thinking.

Almost anybody can learn to think or believe or know,
but not a single human being can be taught to feel.
Why?
Because whenever you think or you believe or you know,
you're a lot of other people--
but the moment you feel, you're nobody-but-yourself.

To be nobody-but-yourself in a world which is doing its best, night
and day, to make you everybody else--means to fight the hardest
battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.



An excerpt from A Poet's Advice

August 25, 2015

Mixtape No. 15


1. The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus // Face Down
2. Taking Back Sunday // You're So Last Summer
3. Blink-182 // I Miss You
4. Paramore // Misery Business
5. Relient K // Who I Am Hates Who I've Been (Acoustic)
6. Good Charlotte // Movin' On
7. Brand New // Soco Amaretto Lime
8. Fall Out Boy // Thnks Fr Th Mmrs
9. Dashboard Confessional // Vindicated

August 21, 2015

9 Ways in Which I know I’m Growing Up

1. I’m in bed no later than 9:30 during the week. My phone is face down on silent on my night stand no later than 10.
 

2. I went to the DMV and settled all the paperwork for my new license almost TWO months before my current one expired. While I still procrastinate a lot, I’m making progress (or in this one very specific instance I am).
 

3. Soda is a treat. I don’t buy it; therefore it’s never in my house. And I’ll only order it occasionally when I go out. And that usually causes me to squirm because the carbonation HURTS, or is it just me?
 

Also, for the record, I’ve been diet soda/fake sugar free for n.i.n.e. months and feeling great. I’ve also been drinking coffee without sugar for about six months, and quite frankly, I miss it. But I’m getting used to it.
 

4. When my laundry is done in the dryer, I take it out right away and fold it. No more leaving clothes or towels in the dryer for days on end, causing those wrinkles that you cannot get out unless you wash said item again.
 

5. I check my mailbox every day. This—well, this might seem a little crazy. Like, why the hell haven’t I been doing this all along? My bills are paperless, so unless I’m expecting something in the mail, I only ever get junk mail. But that adds up, and quickly. So now I stop at the end of my driveway every night when I get home, check the mailbox, and grab whatever is in there.
 

I’m still working on getting the junk mail into the garbage right away, instead of letting it pile up in my car. Baby steps!
 

6. I have one of those pill containers that allows you to separate your pills for each day of the week. I bring it to work with me and keep it in a drawer next to my utensils, so that I always remember to take my vitamins and allergy pill when I eat lunch. I bring it home on Fridays and fill it up for the next week.

Remembering to take my pills on Saturday and Sunday still proves to be a challenge.


7. I have extra of things, like paper towels and bars of soap and salad dressing.

8. I clean my house before I go away because it makes coming home a little easier. 

9. I understand (and embrace) the importance of quality over quantity. Yes, it's nice to have a closet full of clothes-- but clothes that aren't going to fall apart in the wash is even nicer. 

August 12, 2015

On Choosing Happiness



I've always found this quote to be, well, bullshit.

Corny, you know?

Until I found myself in a funk that's lasted the better part of this summer. A funk that has no reason to stick around, and yet I can't. find. a way. to shake it.

Something about going back and forth-- from work to weekends away, back to work again. Back to reality again.

I said this to my yoga instructor last month after I returned home from Red Rocks. I told her how hard it is to come back to reality, after being in a state of euphoria for three nights, surrounded by people who get it.

She replied with, "Well, that's a reality, too. Just a different reality than the one you're in now."

And she was right, of course.

But it doesn't make it any easier to adjust when I return home.

I used to hate living here. I wanted out more than anything, and started to apply for jobs out of state, thinking that being offered a new job, in a new city, in a new state would save me from the position I was in here.

But that wasn't the case.

I accepted a job locally at the end of the last summer, and everything, including my happiness, started to fall into place. 

I would travel out of state over the weekend, and scream, "I'VE MISSED YOU, GIRL!" at the Welcome to New York sign on the side of the road upon my return (I still do that, for the record-- just ask Kelsey).

So why this funk? Why have I woken up, day after day this summer, and thought about calling into work, about not going to spin later that night, about canceling plans with friends so that I can stay home instead?

I don't know. I don't know, other than knowing that I haven't been choosing happiness.

Nothing is harder - nothing is harder for me - than coming home on a Sunday after spending the weekend on the road, hearing my favorite band play, interacting with people who understand why these individuals mean so much to me, why I travel so much to see them -- and thinking, "I feel like I just left part of myself behind."

And I think there's something to that. I believe their are opportunities for me to take something I truly enjoy as a hobby, and turn it into something I can make a career out of.

No, don't expect me to drop an album next year. Christ, no one should have to hear me sing. Here's an open apology to anyone who has ever stood next to me at a concert and tried to record a video- I AM SORRY I RUINED IT.

But there's something to it nonetheless.

And I'm not going to get anywhere with a bad attitude.

So before I got out of bed on Monday morning, I said to myself, "Just be happy today, okay? If nothing else, just be happy."

We'll see how this goes. Maybe it's not bullshit after all.

August 6, 2015

Mixtape No. 14



1. Lake Street Dive // Bobby Tanqueray
2. Hozier // Jackie & Wilson
3. Langhorne Slim & The Law // Changes
4. Frank Turner // Polaroid Picture
5. The Black Keys // Howlin' For You
6. The Tallest Man on Earth // Dark Bird is Home
7. The Mike + Ruthy Band // Rock on Little Jane
8. The Rolling Stones // Angie
9. Florence + the Machine // Ship to Wreck

This mixtape, along with a few others, are available through my Spotify account.
I'll eventually add all of my mixtapes there...like, in the near or very distant future.

July 31, 2015

lately // late july edition


The Avett Brothers // CMAC // 7.29.15

feeling // stupidly tired. And I say stupidly because instead of going to bed at a decent time last night, I trolled through tumblr and Instagram for over an hour. Can someone please take my phone away from me promptly at 9pm every night? And also when I'm drunk and want to tweet people I shouldn't tweet.

craving // water, more sleep, Johnathan from Property Brothers...

watching // Entourage! If it seems like I've been watching it forever, it's because I have been- and I'm only halfway through season 5. It's not because I don't like it- I love it, actually. It's because my attention span can only last through 1.5 episodes, if that.

listening // to a lot of Hozier. Have you heard this song? I can't get enough of it.

drinking // a lukewarm coffee.

reading // NOTHING. Any recommendations?

cooking // Does boiling pierogies and heating up cans of peas count as cooking? I miss cooking actual meals, but I haven't been around enough to justify doing so. I also really miss soup- is it fall yet?

thinking // about what I need to pack when I get home from work tonight. The next stop on this summer tour is tomorrow in Shelburne, Vermont.

July 28, 2015

Suspended.

Hello, hello, it’s been so long, and I don’t know where to begin.

I’m tired- like, in my bones tired, and no amount of sleep will help. Trust me, I’ve tried. And no, I’m not sick- unless you can contract Mono by lying in bed, watching Entourage. 

I’ve come to a stark realization that there is so much I want to do, and see, and read, and write, and watch, and the sheer thought of doing any of the former paralyzes me. And the concept that there’s so much to do, but so little time to do it becomes a small, dark room.

And that’s where I’ve been for the past month or so.

Trapped by the notion that there is so much to be done, but I don’t know where to begin. 

Hold tight, won't you? I'll figure it out soon enough.